Helping children integrate a new environment

Moving house, joining a daycare center, starting kindergarten or changing schools… Leaving friends, home and parents: the idea of change can be frightening for a child. They may have mood swings or tantrums, or burst into tears as soon as you broach the subject. He loses his bearings and doesn’t know what to expect. He’s under stress, and you’re struggling to find the words to reassure him.

As the start of the new school year approaches, many children will have to deal with the anxiety associated with change, and come to terms with the idea of having to deal with new friends, under the responsibility of adults they don’t know, in an unfamiliar environment.

Here are a few tips to help your child adapt to a new routine:

Talk it over with your child

To give your child time to get used to the idea, don’t delay in telling him or her that changes are coming. Explain the advantages and disadvantages of this new situation, in all honesty.

Listen to the child’s reactions to this announcement. Invite him to express any fears or concerns he may have about the change. This will help you reassure him.

Avoid integrating other important changes at the same time (new foods in the baby’s diet, potty training, adoption of a pet), and instead give the child the opportunity to fully integrate his new routine beforehand.

Offer children opportunities to familiarize themselves with their new environment

• Go for a walk or take a detour by car in the streets around the new school or daycare;

• Visit the school or daycare center with your child;

• If possible, put the child in contact with other children already in the same environment;

• For the youngest children who will be attending daycare, encourage a gradual integration of a few hours a day at first;

• Introduce the child to the school or daycare staff. Explain their roles and express your confidence in them;

• Prepare yourself to live according to the new schedule (bedtime, wake-up time, meal times, afternoon nap for those who will be attending daycare). Learn about the rituals of the daycare environment and gradually adapt your own daily schedule to the new rhythm.

Be positive… and trust!

Our attitude as adults has a major influence on the child’s experience. A parent who has a lump in his throat when leaving his child at daycare unwittingly transmits his anxiety to the child. A child who hears his parent say: “I’m sad too, and I’m going to miss you” will be less reassured than one who is told: “Have fun, and when I get back you can tell me all about what you’ve been up to!

Trust the child and the daycare or school staff to tame each other. Hanging around at the door, delaying departure, holding the child close or retracing your steps to give an eighth “last” kiss only delays the separation and doesn’t help the child deal with it well. To trust adults, children need to be able to call on them… even for consolation!

The adaptation process

While some children are able to adapt easily to a new environment, others may have difficulty fitting in. Be patient. It takes time to integrate a new routine. Here are the usual stages in the adaptation process:

During the first 3 to 5 days: This is the novelty. The child is curious, excited and amused.

Day 5 to 10: This is the shock of reality. The child may become disenchanted. Oppositional, aggressive, isolated or withdrawn behavior is possible.

Days 5 to 15: This is the stage of fear of abandonment. The child may be sad, anxious, refuse to eat or eat more than usual, and have difficulty sleeping.

From day 15: Acceptance. The child regains confidence, laughs, is sociable and participates in proposed activities.

On average, it takes 4 to 5 weeks for a child to adapt to his new environment. A child should not show signs of non-adaptation after 5 weeks. If this is the case, parents and educators should question the causes of the child’s difficulties.

Here are a few references you may wish to consult:

Ordre des Psychoéducateurs et psychoéducatrices du Québec
1-877-913-6601

Ordre des Psychologues du Québec
1 800 363-2644

Éducation-coup-de-fil
1-866-329-4223

Ligne-Parents
1-800-361-5085