My child sleeps too much at daycare!

Many parents feel helpless when faced with a child who seems unable to fall asleep at night, or who refuses to go to bed. Since naps are an unchanging routine in day-care centers, it may seem logical to blame them for a child’s refusal to go to bed at night… However, this afternoon nap is often, on the contrary, the guarantee of a successful night’s sleep.

It’s not uncommon for parents to ask their childcare provider to stop allowing their child to nap during daycare hours. These requests place the educator in the delicate position of having to choose between respecting the child’s needs and responding to the parent’s wishes. The educator’s mandate is to meet the child’s needs, and napping is a fundamental need, as important as eating. A nap allows the child to rest his body, strengthen his immune system, develop his brain and be better prepared to continue his day.

The course, Bien dormir pour bien grandir (Sleep well to grow well), covers the mechanisms of sleep and addresses the various problems encountered by educators and parents alike with regard to children’s sleep.

In daycare, all children are invited to take a break. The child may keep his eyes open and not sleep, but he must remain on his mattress, without outside stimulation (book, TV or games). A child who has not fallen asleep after 45 minutes clearly does not need to sleep. He/she is allowed to take a book or a quiet game during the rest of the nap, with the aim of respecting those who are asleep while engaging in a quiet activity conducive to rest. The educator does not wake up a child who has fallen asleep. Children should wake up on their own before 3 p.m. So as not to interfere with night-time sleep, children should not be awakened from a nap after 3 p.m.

If naptime is not responsible for bedtime difficulties, why does the child refuse to go to bed?

• The child is exhausted…

A child who is prevented from sleeping accumulates nervous fatigue that is detrimental to falling asleep. A child who doesn’t sleep during the day alternates phases of overexcitement and depression. He’s so tired, he can’t sleep.

• The child has not learned to fall asleep on his own…

The problem lies not in the child’s inability to fall asleep, but in his inability to fall asleep on his own (falling asleep without his bottle, without being rocked, walked or put to bed with his parents). Children who fall asleep on their own are discovering autonomy. They should be allowed to fall asleep on their own, without outside help, even if they cry a little. Systematically helping them to fall asleep means keeping them dependent on someone else to help them fall asleep.

• The child simply doesn’t want to be separated from his parents…

Children who have spent the day away from their parents may want their attention back in the evening. They want to spend more time with them. He may also want to test the parent’s limits, feel fear at the idea of being alone in the dark, or be jealous of the time devoted to his partner or the other children in the family.

• Signs of sleep are not respected…

The time chosen by the parent to put the child to bed may not be the right time for the child to fall asleep. When the child starts to yawn, blinks, looks absent-minded, takes his thumb… it’s the sandman who’s coming. It’s time to put the child to bed. When we’re past the bedtime period, which means that the child’s signs of tiredness have gone unnoticed, the child will have to wait for the next bedtime cycle, around 1 h 30 later.

• The child is simply not tired…

If the nap lasted more than 3 hours, if the child got up after 3 p.m., or if he or she didn’t get any physical exercise during the day, it may be more difficult for the child to fall asleep. At daycare, the noise level is higher than at home, the child is in constant interaction with other children, passive activities such as watching TV are practically non-existent, and outings are organized daily… these stimulating days are demanding for the child. Since life at home is often much less hectic than at daycare, parents may feel that their child doesn’t need an afternoon nap, while the educator observes a completely different dynamic in the child when he’s at daycare.

What to do when your child has trouble getting to bed at night?

• Put children to bed as soon as they show signs of falling asleep. Up to the age of 12, children need 11 hours of sleep a night. If the child has to get up at 6 a.m. to go to daycare, this means he must have gone to bed around 7 p.m. the night before. If the child’s night was too short, he or she will accumulate a sleep debt and will be even more likely to need an afternoon nap.

• Show firmness. Parenting is education. Children have the right to express their disagreement by crying, but parents shouldn’t feel guilty about it! Constant supervision and routine have a reassuring effect on children. The older they grow, the more they become contentious and aware of their parents’ limits. The challenge is greater for parents. Children manage their desires… parents must manage their children’s needs.

• Establish a pleasant bedtime ritual. Taking a bath, reading a favorite book, listening to quiet music, giving a back massage, exchanging secrets… this quality time spent with your child will become a routine that he or she will look forward to. Make sure the bedtime ritual takes place in the same order every night, lasts 15 to 30 minutes maximum and takes place in the child’s bedroom. The glass of water, the last cuddle (okay, this time it’s the last!) and the umpteenth visit to the toilet are not necessities, but tactics to delay bedtime and mobilize parental attention.

• Avoid stimulating the child before bedtime. Bedtime is no longer the time for jumping on the bed or tickling. Turn off the TV, remove toys from the bed and turn off the light (a nightlight can be left on if the child wishes).

• Do not give a bottle in bed so that the child falls asleep. If your child gets into this habit, when he wakes up at night, he’ll have trouble going back to sleep if he finds his bottle empty. What’s more, letting your child fall asleep with a bottle increases the risk of choking and promotes tooth decay.

• Put the child to bed in its own bed. The child should wake up in the same place where he fell asleep. A child who falls asleep in his mother’s arms will be destabilized if he wakes up elsewhere. Parents should put their children to bed in the place where they will spend the night. If the child has a nightmare, or gets up and goes to his parents’ bed, reassure him and take him back to bed afterwards.

• Don’t use the bed as a punishment. They may associate bedtime with punishment.

• Don’t forbid your child to nap at daycare. Children who are forbidden to sleep learn to fight off signs of fatigue, and will also fight off sleep in the evening. Contrary to popular belief, the more tired a child is, the harder it is to fall asleep.

Remember that the educator who puts the child to sleep at daycare is not doing so to upset the parent, but to meet the child’s needs. With a little perseverance, this difficult period will soon be behind you!